An Interior Monologue: A Bloddy Mess

O look what I've done
I think we need some damage control
My sin has found me out
Why am I still dealing with this, now?
All it has done and will do is leave me empty and wanting more
I'm obssessed
Gorge my eyes out
I need a total inside makeover
I need a heart transplant
Burn these things out of mind
Have I had enough?
What do I choose?
I am wretched, scum, filth, shit
Do I choose Love and Life
Or Evil and Death
O the strain on my soul
The pull of Good and Evil
What mess?
I can only manage, a collision of dunno what
I feel like puking
But I'm so hungry
Can I eat and pray more than people who do not eat at all?
Does not eating make my prayers more effective?
What happens when a prayer is uttered by someone vile but seeking a way out?
God hears that too, right? Right
I'm that vile
No?
But all have sinned and fall short the Glory of God
My God my God
I need you
To whom shall I go Lord?
Turn my eyes to You?
But I cannot see
Blessed are those who not see and yet believe
I believe, help me with my unbelief
How come I know so many scriptures but I still feel like this?
Trust is a must
Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon thine own understanding
I don't want to be gnostic Lord
I want to be epignostic, if there's such a word
Does this ever end?
Will I ever get over this?
Maybe but should I get over this
Satan will surely send other things my way
And God will allow it and use it for His Glory
For my own good and for His Glory
I cannot do this on my own
Really cannot make it
This struggle will never end, the essence is the same, only in different forms
Help me God, please help me
Not that I'd be made much of
But that You'll be Glorified
Please?