God Of The Smaller Things; He Heals

The following account is a personal experience and should not govern anyone else's faith.

I woke up at 3:30am not being able to go back to sleep since 2:30am, and decided to game a little. After about 2 hours of gaming I tried to go back to sleep.

I have been sick for the past 2 days and although it's just fever, the feeling of being ill is dreadful. And no matter how small the suffering it helps me appreciate firstly, Jesus' suffering in our place and those who are much sicker than I am. (Can't imagine dying from cancer and stuff)

Anyway as I was going to sleep nagging pain started to hit my leg, the viral attack sorta pain if you know what I'm talking about. I couldn't sleep and I started to fidget and roll about on bed and then I heard in my heart, "Peace, child"

Then I wondered if that was me talking to myself or if it was really God, I heard it repeated a number of times and then I felt a small jolt in my leg and the pain was gone. I couldn't believe it, it was as if God confirmed that it was Him speaking to me.

I stopped moving, waiting for the pain to return, it didn't return and I fell asleep.

I woke up at 7:00am and a bird was singing outside my window and again I couldn't go back to sleep, I looked out my window and saw the beauty of God's Glory:

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
-Psalm 19:1b

So I sat up grabbed my guitar and crooned in my sore-throat-ish voice "Your Love O Lord" by Third Day. (dunno if it's the correct title)

I actually felt hungry! And I had breakfast and here I am sitting before my computer to blog about God's goodness.

Right as I was sitting down to blog, the pain returned and I closed the blogging window. I went to read Matthew Henry's commentary on Ezekiel and guess what I saw him quote:

“Remember, O my soul! and never forget what communications of divine love thou didst receive at such a time, at such a place; tell others what God did for thee.”

So, I can't not testify about God's goodness upon my life. Glory to God!

What Would You Do?

When you hear someone say "God is f***ed up"?

Perfect Peace

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

-Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)

I pray that we will all stay our minds on God and trust in Him because He will keep us in perfect peace when we do that.

Blogs

Blogs are for people who have no time to spend with other people so it's like a delayed meeting place where people can "meet" you when they are free.

Tagboard and Links

Can you see my tagboard and links? I see it fine in camp and at home... Let me know so I can correct it... Thanks

Someone To Live For

I have nothing to live for, not now, don't feel it, don't really do it you know?

I should be living for God right?

I'm so empty, and I bought Gorillaz's Demon Days, it's got an "empty" mood to it.

What is Joy?

What is joy? I know the verses about joy, but I don't experience it like David does/did. How?

Why is it we hold on to something like our lives depended on it when it doesn't?

We cry because we want comfort of some sort, so I'd rather not cry if I'm with someone whom I think won't comfort me. So it wouldn't be awkward for you and I.

It's good that some people move on, pushed by the currents of time, better than what one's past held for them. Some people are not worth it, like I.

We are all loved by someone, could be anyone, if there's no human there's God.

Confessions

I find myself gasping for air, not in a literal sense, like I'm trying to live and it hurts to breathe. I think I'm over melo-dramatic, but I also think my problem/s are very real.

I don't find counsel from God nor godly people, maybe I do, but I feel they don't have time for me. Did Jesus have time for His 12? Paul for his churches? How much time should we spend with those younger in faith?

Instead of finding refuge in God, I find it in worldly things, in sin even. I think I sin double cos I turn away from God (1) and I turn to sin (2).

I find my refuge in roleplaying games where I live in a wholly different world, I have "things" in that world, I have "friends", I make decisions which make no real impact to anyone else, I don't know what to decide and I feel no one understands me, not my parents even.

My knowledge of the Word of God cannot be applied to myself, I cannot give myself advice, suddenly my mind seems a blank because I've been playing so much games, drowning myself from reality that all I think about are those things, my mind is dead and my heart buried.

And I sit behind a computer to blog my sorry state like it's a cry for help, is it? It could be. When everyone from this place is gone I start feeling shitty, I start to sin, but I stop and catch myself instinctively before it goes out of control, before it grasps my mind and I cannot stop myself.

I don't know how I will take concern now because I always tell myself that if you cared enough it wouldn't wait till now. So it's not really a cry for help. What do I want?

Truth time, I don't know. I don't know what I want from God, what I want from myself, what I want from my friends, and my family.

Then again, maybe I do. I want a sense of belonging and I want love, maybe I don't want it, maybe I need it. Like I was made for it, a creature hopelessly needing love and needing belonging and finding none until we give up our search and turn to God.

Everything is going wrong, why am I getting fat? I think I couldn't care less anymore, could I? One thing is certain with me, I am very confused.

I don't know what plans to make what I want to achieve and my dad calls me lazy and sees my refusal to seek any form of self-improvement as laziness. I wish people would see beneath this stupid "facade" they see, because it's not me, not really. Ramble ramble ramble. I don't know what to type anymore but I want to go on because my demons are climbing out from this pit called my heart, one by one by one.

If Only

Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take
Reminding us how far we've come
Let the pain burn away from our hearts
We have time to start all over again
Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take
Reminding us how far we've come
Let the pain burn away our hearts
We have time to start all over again
Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take
Reminding us how far we've come
Let the pain burn away from our heart
We have time to start all over again
Well if you would shine your love down here oh Make our hearts as perfect as new
Oh if you would shine your love down here oh
I promise I'd reflect right back at you
Oh I promise I'd reflect it right back at you
Oh I promise we'll reflect it right back at you - Copeland's When Finally Set Free

I'm just a teenage dirtbag baybeh. - Wheatus

I have reached a all time fat.